RTT: The problem is estrogen....

♥ I can find a Grey's quote for just about any situation. Probably because I am over-dramatic and talk too much, just like the characters on that show.

♥ Can I just say, my new birth control is totally fucking with me? I am so ridiculously moody now I'm just waiting for someone to slap me and yell at me to get ahold of myself. Someone asked me how I was today, and I about started crying into my coffee mug. WTF?! I do not like this.

♥ I am taking a few days off before school starts again, and they cannot get here fast enough. I haven't really taken any time off, other than being sick, since last May. I need a real vacation sometime soon - planning on one for spring break next year, with my best friend. That's too far away.

♥ Funny how a year changes everything.....

♥ Completely unrelated, but my old classmate at Birdie Royale is entering the Mad Men Casting Call and you should totally vote for her. She is absolutely stunning and a wonderful person. Plus it's super easy - just click that link, and click 'Vote' - You don't need to register or anything.

♥ Seriously. Eff this birth control. I just started tearing up over a sort-of compliment. This is ridiculous. I mean, I know I'm a sap, but I'm out of control right now.

♥ If it could be Friday when I wake up tomorrow, that would be fantastic.

♥ I'm working on a new story idea and I like it so far. It's all in my head though, I haven't started writing. Which means I'll get through 20 pages and then burn out.

♥ I hit my head in the pool on Saturday. Then Sunday I hit it on the freezer door. And a couple hours ago? Definitely banged the crap out of it on my car. I fail.

♥ 635 days until I graduate. Not that I'm counting.

♥ Oh, and yea....you can like me, too. All the cool kids are doing it!


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As always, go check out Keely for more Random Tuesday Thoughts!

drowning on dry land...

I just woke up from a ridiculous nightmare, and I'm still trying to let myself breathe again. I haven't had a full-on nightmare in a while so this one really freaked me out.

The beginning of it started off normally enough...I was hanging out with some friends, and decided to leave wherever I was to go visit some others. It was close by, so I decided to walk. Well, apparently in my dream, I was terrified of dogs, because I was trying to do some evasive manuevering to get away from it....and somehow I ended up at one of those big play structures, with the big twisty slides, and, like, freaking towers, and obstacles, kind of like this, but times a hundred.

Anyway, so I end up at this place, and one of my friends is there, with her daughter. Her daughter got underneath the structure somehow, and I said I would go under and find her. So I start crawling around under this play structure, and at some point, a couple police officers get there to try and help, because we can't find her. And finally, I see her on the other end of the structure from where I am, and the cops go to get her. Meanwhile, it starts raining, and the sand the thing is sitting on just starts to cover me. And I couldn't move because it was weighing down my arms and legs, and I couldn't yell without it getting in my mouth. So I was banging on the underside of one of the slides, and no one could hear me, and I was freaking out and couldn't breathe and could feel myself getting more and more trapped.

And that is when I woke up, gasping for air and freaked out.

And I am pretty sure I know exactly what this means. I'm looking some of it up on Dream Moods right now, and so far I've been right on. Being buried alive means you are being undermined or stifled in some way. Wet sand equals a lack of balance. Calling for help means you are overwhelmed and inadequate. Playgrounds suggest needing to escape daily responsibilities.

Check. Check. Check. And check.

Right about now, I am really wishing I had the time for a long vacation....

RTT: I think I can, I think I can.

~Every time I get the question, "Love or money?" I choose money. Is that so bad?

~I just downloaded a new ringtone. It may or may not be Christina Aguilera, 'Keeps Gettin Better'. What can I say? It gets me pumped up.

~I have been listening to some old school music lately. It's taking me back to high school, and the few years immediately following, and it's amazing what a song can do.

~I think I'm already getting the reputation in my online lit class of being contrary. It's not that I honestly disagree with everything that people say on the boards, it's just that they all (literally - ALL) agree with everything the professor says in his lecture, and don't even seem to try to form their own opinions. How much does that drive me crazy?

~I just tried yoga for the first time. I am bendier than I thought I was. I also have absolutely no balance. I foresee many bruises in my future.

~I also just made healthy lunches for the rest of the week. And banana nut muffins. Yum.

~My dreams lately have been out of control. I don't even know where to start on that. Oi.

~I am definitely overwhelmed right now with everything I have going on. Work is insane, and it keeps getting busier, and I keep taking more things on. At least I'm making myself more valuable there. And I'll get through it. I just need to remember to breathe. And maybe lock myself in a soundproof room and scream. That would work too.

~I am definitely considering ignoring some of my homework tonight and going to bed at 9 o'clock.

As always, click the link up top to visit Keely, and find other random thinkers :-)

RTT: Getting it in under the wire

Holy crap. It's Tuesday. Almost Wednesday. How did that happen?

^ School started last Wednesday. I made a color-coded calendar, with all my homework and quizzes and exams and papers and whatever else....I am having anxiety just looking at it. New blog entries will likely be few and far between this semester.

^ I recently cleaned my room and in doing so, cleaned out my dresser. I found several bras that were of the flimsy variety - and in a B cup. These days, the ladies are definitely Ds. It was nice to have a good reason to explore the Victoria's Secret Semi-Annual sale. It was even nicer to get the 3 cute new bras I ordered today. Nothing will make a girl feel hotter than new lingerie (even if only one is of the sexy-hot variety - the other two are cute, and supportive, without being scary three-inch wide straps and 5 hooks up the back)

^ Another order I'm waiting on - my new yoga DVDs, including Yoga for Inflexible People. This is supposed to be great for people with RA, so I'm looking forward to it. I miss how bendy I used to be.

^ I have had a song stuck in my head for days. I have no idea what it is, who sings it, what the actual words are, or the real tune. In my head it just goes 'mmm mmmmmm mm mmmm mmm'. If you have any idea what I'm talking about, let me know :-)

^ As I mentioned last Tuesday, I started seeing a therapist last week. I have a second appointment on Thursday this week. So far, I like her. She is very no-nonsense which is what I need.

^ I did something like 20 loads of laundry between January 2 and last night.

^ My eyes are not really staying open anymore.

^ I think it's beddtime.

^ I'll leave you with this - apparently it is 'Retro Picture Week' on Facebook. I don't know if this is real or just one of my friends deciding, but in any case, I wanted to share my lovely picture.

Is that not the creepiest damn thing you've ever seen? I scare myself sometimes.


Anyway, go back up, and click the link to visit Keely, and find other random thinkers :-)

What a year for a new year...

So, 2009 is just over 10 hours from its completion, and in what seems to be a growing consensus, I will not be sad to see it go.

Truthfully, there was a lot of good in my life this year. It's easy to look past that when I think about all the rough things I've dealt/am dealing with, but I can't honestly say that everything that happened in the last year of the decade was awful.

Overall, it was an incredibly challenging year for me - personally, professionally, scholastically.

By far, the biggest change in my life this year was returning to school after several years of working fulltime. In January, I dove into a full credit load schedule, not having any idea how I was going to do it, but planning on giving it my all. I ended my first semester back with a 3.57, and made the Dean's List. I also was awarded a scholarship from my college that will last until I graduate, and take at least a little bit of student loans off my back. This past semester I ended up dropping classes after an unrelated event caused me to completely lose focus, but I still pulled it out, and I finish the year as a college junior (9 years after starting college courses) and with a 3.42 GPA. Next year I plan on returning to two full semesters, and 2 courses over the spring and summer, and I am fully planning on kicking ass and taking names.

At work, I think I did a good job of staying focused and getting things done. Because of my school schedule, I ended up working quite a lot of nights and weekends over the last year, and spending many days close to ripping my hair out. My team has been shorthanded all year, and my desk showed the extra jobs I was taking on. It was stressful, it was crazy, but in the end, I know my work is appreciated, and I feel confident in knowing that I'm not only getting by, I'm building a career.

Personally, there were far more downs than ups. That's all I'm saying about that, other than at times, I'm surprised I made it through without having a full-fledged breakdown. Also, I have learned more about myself and what I'm capable of handling in the last three months than maybe the last two decades. And I've grown up more in the last three months than I ever would have thought possible.

So, 2009. Goodbye, good ridance. Thanks for the lessons, thanks for the memories, wish you woulda skipped over the shit luck. Won't miss you. At all.

2010, let's hear it for a fresh start and second chances. Try to not screw us all over too bad, k?

Happy New Year lovies! Tomorrow, resolutions? We'll see...

RTT: Aren't all my thoughts random?

So, as I have no time anymore to actually post, I figured I would jump on the RTT bandwagon. This could get scary...

*Work fulltime + school fulltime? Maybe not my best idea ever. At least I'm getting SMRT.

*If you ever have to go somewhere and be respectable and serious, it is either the worst idea ever or the best to take someone who you know will make you laugh with her snarky comments.

*Pajama pants at a courthouse? Maybe not the best way to appear as if you are taking your situation seriously.

*I am very sick of making charts. I still love my job, but I'm getting burned out. This may be partly due to random thought #1.

*I met someone.

*I am very sad that I have another full week before there's a new episode of Glee. This long without seeing/hearing my boyfriends? So sad. At least I have most of the songs downloaded so I can get my fix in.

*If I win the lottery tonight, it will be bittersweet. Don't get me wrong, I'll appreciate it greatly, but because of my current situation I wouldn't be able to do all the fun things I'd want to. If it does happen, however, you can rest assured that at some point, the insanity would ensue.

*I need to get the heat fixed in my car. That would probably be the first thing I'd do if I won the lottery. Isn't that just kind of sad?

*I don't know if y'all have heard about this, but you should surely check out The Zombie News Network. It'll slay you. But not before eating your brains.

*I figured out my class schedule for next semester. Nothing on main campus!! As long as I can get what I want, I'll have three online classes, and one at a satellite campus MUCH closer to work/home. SCORE!

*The someone I met is older than me. How much older, I'm not really sure. Probably about 10 years. I'm not sure how I feel about that.

*Dressing up as a cavewoman for Halloween is fun, if for no other reason than getting to beat people with a plastic club.

*I am completely uninterested in the holidays this year. If I could skip the rest of the year, actually, that'd be kind of wonderful.

*The biggest issue with dating a guy that much older than me? We're in different places. At 27 I'm not ready for anything serious (as evidenced by the fact that he's not the only man I've been seeing as of late).

*Ray Lamontagne has been singing me to sleep a lot lately. He's keeping me from losing my mind.

*I think the clock on my desk is losing time.

*My focus has been gone lately. I need my brain to come back to me.

*I have realized in the last few weeks just how many amazing people I have in my life.

*Most often I don't feel like I deserve them.

*I have blog comments I've been meaning to respond to but I just haven't had the heart for it. It's been easier to just shut myself off lately.

*I don't want to hurt him. And I have a feeling I'm going to. So is it better to just cut things off now, before we're any more involved? He's a great guy and we get along so well, and the chemistry is ridiculous. And if I was a few years older, it might be it. But should I really try to fit myself into a relationship that isn't what I want or need?

*If I could get a do-over on the last month of my life, I think that would solve 90% of the issues on my mind right now.

*If you have the power to reverse time, please contact me ASAP.

catching up.....

What? It's been a month?

Hoooooly crap do I have a lot to share.

Tonight, when I get home from work, I will be catching up on a month of blog posts from all you other lovelies (or at least the last week or so...otherwise my head might explode) and then sharing my last moon cycle's worth of stories.....after all, gotta know what's going on before this weekend!

springtime!

new season, new layout. will get tweaked when i'm not....at work. heh.
i'm alive still, by the way. you may have wondered.

only a few weeks left this semester....and then i start spring. and summer. goodness.

anyways, more soon, i promise. for real, this time. (ok, yea, you probably can sense my nose growing as i type this.....)

hope all is well!

if someone could just take over the not fun parts of my life, that would be great....

then i would have time to do things i enjoy. like blog. and drink wine. and read. and sleep.

but that's not going to happen. i will continue to work 60 hours in a week, and spend 20 hours on school. sleeping is maybe.....i don't know, 35 hours? i don't know what happens to the rest of my time.....maybe i'm in the car. or daydreaming, remembering when i had time for fun.

in any case, just wanted to let you all know that i'm alive, and semi-functional. until another 11 hours of work tomorrow, anyways......oi vey.