30-Day Challenge: End of the line

I give up. I am not writing about anything else for this. Especially since my sister just posted Day 15, and it's 'Fanfic'.

I am not a fangirl.

So, later today, or maybe tomorrow (but probably Sunday) I will return you to your regularly scheduled erratic blog posts.

G'day.

Day 12: I do what I want

My mind is in all sorts of fucked up places right now.

I'm seeing other people grow up and move on, and it makes me feel...not like a failure...but...like I'm missing something. Like I should be in a better place than I am. Like I should be more of an adult, more stable, more responsible...something. I don't know.

It's not that I particularly want what they have. I don't want to be getting married, or having babies, or buying houses. I like that everything in my life is kind of...temporary.

Maybe *like* isn't the right word. I'm comfortable with it. That's better. I'm comfortable with not being tied down to anything. I'm terrified to put down any kind of roots, anywhere, whether it's a house, or a relationship.

I like only being committed to myself. Everything else in my life is...transitional. If I lose it tomorrow, I'll survive. I'll get through it. I'll move on.

But I wonder....why am I so okay with this? Shouldn't I be looking to settle down? Aren't I getting to the age where it's normal to want to plant yourself down somewhere? Shouldn't I be wanting something real?

Or should I just stop comparing myself to other people, and not putting any stock in whatever milestones signify being a grown up?

Day 11: A photo of you taken recently

This isn't *that* recent, but it's classic Andrea...

Me, rockin' karaoke and Heart's 'Alone'. And no, I do NOT require alcohol to sing. This is my sober (and incredibly exhausted) period.

Cheers, darlins!

Day 10: A photo of you taken over 10 years ago

Today you get two for the price of one!

First off, here is my senior yearbook photo. I love this picture - I actually loved all my senior pictures (except the ones of me in a purple dress - SO not me) but this one is one of my favorites.

And then there's a special treat - for anyone who ever believed that I wasn't always so much of a nerd...well, this will prove them wrong. I can't believe I'm actually posting this. And letting people see it. Instead of destroying the evidence....oi.

This was obviously before I discovered hair product. And contacts. And dressing like a girl.

Day 9: A photo you took

Doubling up today cause I missed a day.

In one of the photo classes I took, we did a self-portrait project. This is my favorite picture of the ones I used. It's an old scan, and not a very good one-eventually I'll need to rescan some of my photography. But I love the picture-the lighting is fantastic, and it just feels like me, you know?

Tomorrow, you get to see maybe the worst picture of me ever taken....and also, one of the best. Photos from over 10 years ago!

Day 8: A picture that makes you angry.

Any Detroit fan would agree - this picture, of our most hated player in the NHL, holding OUR cup? Instant rage.

Day 7: A picture that makes you happy

This picture, to me, is absolute proof that there is real love in the world.

It's what keeps me believing in soul mates, even when outwardly, I'm at my most cynical.

It's why no matter how many times I give up, I throw my hands up and decide that I am done caring, done looking, done hoping....I will always step back, and take a breath, and remember that true love is out there. That it exists, maybe even for me.

My parents at their wedding, September 28, 1979

Because when I look at this picture, and see my parents, radiant and madly in love and so completely happy, I know that someday, if I'm really lucky, I'll find this too. And someday, if I'm really lucky, it'll be my daughter looking at my wedding picture, and realizing that she shouldn't give up hope.

Day 6: I'm an auntie! (free write day)

About a year and a half ago, I posted this: The Groomsman with Ovaries when my best friend Phil got married, and I stood up with him.

Two weeks ago today, he and his wife, Lisa, welcomed their first child.

Parker Graham was born on Thursday, March 25 at 8:01 am. He was 8 lbs, 2 ozs, and 20 inches long.

Look at that kid. How could anyone say he isn't 100% perfect?

So yes. I am an auntie now, and I plan on spoiling my new little sunshine rotten :-)

Day 5: All life is an experiement.

This past Saturday, I was talking to an ex-coworker's older sister about our various relationships, and I said I was due for a good one soon (I still fully believe that).

She's fifteen years older than me, and infinitely wiser. It's nice being able to talk to someone who has so much more life experience than I do, who can help put things in perspective.

She recited this quote to me:

Do not be too timid and squeamish about your actions. All life is an experiment. The more experiments you make the better. What if they are a little course, and you may get your coat soiled or torn? What if you do fail, and get fairly rolled in the dirt once or twice. Up again, you shall never be so afraid of a tumble. [Ralph Waldo Emerson]

Sometimes, it's hard to remember. Sometimes, it's easy to forget. I get lost in the heartache and the challenges of living, of loving, of losing. I forget that much of the joy comes from the learning. I forget how much stronger I am now than I was six months, a year, two years ago.

And I need the reminder to get up off my ass, dust myself off, and try again.

So thanks to this fantastic woman, I am remembering that it takes trials to make us stronger, and that everything I do is just another opportunity to grow.

And lately, I've needed that. And right now? I fully appreciate her wisdom.

Day 4: Sometimes you find an author and it feels like she writes from your soul....

For me, that author is the incredibly talented Liza Palmer. She has three novels out - Conversations with the Fat Girl, Seeing Me Naked, and A Field Guide to Burying Your Parents.

In the almost 5 years since Conversations came out, I have read it, at minimum, 25 times. The other two aren't far behind. Something about Liza's writing style grips me from page one, and her characters are complex and beautiful. They are flawed yet sympathetic. Confused, but strong. Amazing women who are insecure and loving and powerful and frightened and REAL.

After Seeing Me Naked came out, I emailed Liza to give her some fanmail (cause who doesn't love that?). Here is a part of what I wrote - I can't put in any better than this:

And once again....the characters you write are amazingly complex, sympathetic, and I can see parts of myself in almost all of them.  Even the characters I want to dislike have redeeming qualities, and I find myself wishing them well and with all characters, imagining the great lives they have coming.  I cry with them, laugh at them, and at times, want to sit them down and give them a dose of reality.

Thank you for creating these lovely worlds of people and places, and letting your readers explore them for a while.

For me, letting a talented author know how much I love her work was enough. Imagine my surprise when she not only responded, but made my day when I got her reply:

Okay, so this is officially the awesomest email ever.  Seriously.  What a...lovely, lovely thing (things?) to say.  It has soo made my day.  Just lovely...i can't stop saying lovely-i know more words, i assure you.

I'm working on Book three right now-and this is by far the highlight of my day.

You're awesome--thank you so much.

I also got a signed copy of the UK print of Seeing Me Naked.

Not only does Liza write amazing books, but she cares about her fans. We have definitely had a few Twitter conversations (Billy Squier love!) and she just seems like the most down-to-earth, fun person.

For me, that's icing on the fabulously written cake. Knowing an author is so...human...makes her so much more appealing to read, because it makes all her words feel real.

And I can't wait to read whatever she releases next.

RTT: Things to look forward to...

*Almost two weeks ago, I became Auntie Andrea. No, this is not a child of my older sister, saradoxical, for those of you who know her and would be wondering why she hasn't mentioned it. There's more on this soon - for now, I give you this lovely picture of me and my new nephew:

*My beautiful Mommie Dearest (yes, that is exactly what my sister and I called her until we learned better..) gave me an award. That'll be up soon.

*The entertaining and fabulous Jess also bestowed an award on my unworthy ass. A couple weeks ago, actually. I've been busy. You'll see that in the next few days.

*More posts from the 30-Day writing challenge.

*The semester is coming to an end. Only a couple more weeks. No spring and summer classes this year, so hopefully y'all will be hearing more from me.

*It's been a rough month or two, but things can only get better...right?

Day 3: You just get pictures today

I don't feel good and I don't have much to say. Other than don't judge me for the third one. We all need some eye-candy and mindless entertainment now and then :-)

Day 2: Wild Hearts Can't Be Broken

When I was a kid, without a doubt, my favorite movie was Wild Hearts Can't be Broken.

It was a live-action Disney movie, about a girl, Sonora Webster (played by Gabrielle Anwar who has called Wild Hearts the favorite of her films), who is a runaway during the 1930s. She gets a job as a stable hand for Doc Carver, and his 'diving horses.' She dreams of becoming a diving girl, and eventually gets her break. There is an accident, and it looks like she may never dive again. But hard work and courage pay off, and naturally it ends well. It is Disney, after all.

Throughout the story, Sonora develops a relationship with Doc's son, Al, played by Michael Schoeffling, better known to most children of the 80s as Jake Ryan. This was the first movie I had seen him in (I was 9 - Sixteen Candles was still several years away) and I immediately fell in love. He is the perfect leading man - charming, sensitive, gorgeous, strong, secure. He was probably my first real celebrity crush, and I am still sad that he dropped out of the industry. I would give an arm to see how he looks today - he turns 50 this year and I would bet that he looks amazing still. Sigh. Old crushes die hard.

I think the reason I love this movie so much, still, is that I see a little bit of myself in Sonora. She's a little bit wild, a lot bit stubborn, and she doesn't give up. I like to think that I have those same characteristics. It's an inspiring story without being completely hokey, and there is happiness but also sorrow. This movie, to me, has stood up to time and its classic themes keep me hooked year after year. Recently I discovered Netflix has it on instant movies, so you can bet I'll be watching it incredibly soon.

"I found my destiny, not in far off places but within myself."

Day 1: Who has just ONE favorite song?

For me, music needs to touch me. It needs to make me feel something, good or bad. It needs to hit that spot in my soul that simple words just can't, and connect with me on a level that I don't always get from life in general.

Today, I bring you two of my favorite songs.

The first is Falling Slowly from Once, which is an amazing movie and you all should see.

I find it incredibly beautiful. It's sad and hopeful and uplifting all at once. Sometimes it gets me teary-eyed, sometimes not...but I every time I hear it, I feel my heart fill up.



The second is Just Watch the Fireworks by Jimmy Eat World.

I love the lyric: "Here you can be anything, and I think that scares you" because it is so completely true. That point? Where you are at the edge of getting or being everything you want? It's terrifying. And the point where you can be yourself with someone? When you feel like you can drop all the layers and masks and just be you? Also terrifying.


(Ignore whatever show that is...Smallville? I just wanted a non-live version of the song)

I have a million more songs that I love, and are my "favorites" but they change so frequently it's hard to list them all. What can I say? Years of working in music stores, and many years before that of babysitting at my aunt and uncle's house and making mix tapes from their million CDs, and I am an avid music lover.

Tomorrow - favorite movie. Then and Now!

30-Day Challenge? (Or, beating last year's amount of posts by the middle of April)

I stole this from my lovely and immensely talented big sister, saradoxical.

I'm a couple days late starting, but I will catch up with three in one in a little bit, after I go for a brisk walk/slow run :-)

Look forward to me actually posting this month!
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In an effort to write more in here, I am borrowing this 30 day challenge from various friends on LiveJournal. Starting tomorrow, I shall be blogging on these topics:

Day 01 — Your favorite song
Day 02 — Your favorite movie
Day 03 — Your favorite television program
Day 04 — Your favorite book
Day 05 — Your favorite quote
Day 06 — Whatever tickles your fancy
Day 07 — A photo that makes you happy
Day 08 — A photo that makes you angry/sad
Day 09 — A photo you took
Day 10 — A photo of you taken over ten years ago
Day 11 — A photo of you taken recently
Day 12 — Whatever tickles your fancy
Day 13 — A fictional book
Day 14 — A non-fictional book
Day 15 — A fanfic
Day 16 — A song that makes you cry (or nearly)
Day 17 — An art piece (painting, drawing, sculpture, etc.)
Day 18 — Whatever tickles your fancy
Day 19 — A talent of yours
Day 20 — A hobby of yours
Day 21 — A recipe
Day 22 — A website
Day 23 — A YouTube video
Day 24 — Whatever tickles your fancy
Day 25 — Your day, in great detail
Day 26 — Your week, in great detail
Day 27 — This month, in great detail
Day 28 — This year, in great detail
Day 29 — Hopes, dreams and plans for the next 365 days
Day 30 — Whatever tickles your fancy