an open letter to the undergarment industry....

[note: this is a couple of months old, but knowing a few of you who may see this, i think you will appreciate]

Dear Sports Bra Manufacturers (specifically Champion):

I am writing to tell you of the issues I have discovered with your products.
Please bear in mind as you read this the fact that I rarely have the need for a sports bra. I don't go to the gym more than once a year, I certainly only run if I'm being chased. My workout DVDs make great coasters.

However, it's softball season again. And running is necessary.

Last year I tried to start the season prepared. I went to several shops trying to find a sports bra that worked for me.

Now, I don't know about you or the size of your breasts, but I'm willing to bet that if you're designing these sports bras, you must be an A-cup.

Here are some concerns I have:

1 - I do not care if my breasts are lifted and separated. I would really just prefer that these things are strapped down as tight as possible. This prevents the issue of getting smacked in the face with a blob of fat while running, jumping, or breathing slightly heavy.

2 - The "convertible" straps? Who are you kidding? Those things do NOT stand up to a set of double-Ds bouncing during a brisk walk to 1st base. Last year I almost took my eye out. I'd prefer that didn't happen again.

3 - I fail to understand why if a woman is a A-B-or-C-cup, she gets her choice of bright colors, fun prints, and moisture wicking material, but if she is a D-cup or larger, she is stuck in some scary white contraption that looks to be straight out of a 1950's porn. Three inch straps and 6 hooks in the back? Not so comfortable.

4 - I did find one acceptable garment. It was comfortable, mostly confining, I was still able to breathe....
Unfortunately, it was $80!
Now, I'm sure I could get a similar effect by piling on 3 or 4 of the $8.99 Target brands...but really? Eighty dollars? That's almost a monthly payment on a Ford Focus! Is that really necessary?

Now, my friends in the intimates industry, I understand that it is difficult to cater to every woman's individual needs. I have to give you some props for even trying.

But when I take 15 sports bras into the dressing room, and have no luck, I start to question if it isn't an 18-year-old boy designing these things.

Because to be perfectly honest, I'm not really comfortable wearing something that doesn't keep my boobs from bouncing if I so much as turn my head.

So, my flat-chested friends, please remember these few things in the next round of designs - bouncing=bad, concussions from breasts gone awry=worse, and anything that looks like it belongs on an S&M loving nurse=unspeakably horrifying.

Perhaps next year I'll be able to find something to meet my needs.

Until then, I've got a roll of duct tape and a high pain tolerance.

Love til later,


TennLady said...

Oh my gawd. You, dear, are every heavily endowed woman's spokesperson!

gathering dust said...

I'm just glad I can speak up for all of us.

I did actually send that, too. Never heard anything back. I was disappointed. Figured I should've at least gotten some coupons or something in the mail :-P

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