Just one day/night without weird dreams...that's all I ask

"Metaphorically, driving a car in your dream, is analogous to your sex life and sexual performance. Consider how you are driving and what kind of car you are driving and how it relates to your waking sex life." (Dream Moods)

So, going way too fast, zipping in and out of traffic, barely squeezing by on the shoulder, up and down hills and over bridges.....basically driving like every kind of terrible driver in the world at once, all the while I and my car are shrinking smaller and smaller until by the time I bust through the doors of a mall, I am essentially driving a matchbox car....

Hmmm.

"To dream that you are shrinking, suggests that you lack self-confidence and self-esteem. You may be feeling embarrassed, insignificant or unimportant in some situation.  Perhaps you feel that you have been overlooked by others."

Well, that second one, I can certainly get behind...

I'm ready to fall and that's okay....

My window is open and there is a bite in the air tonight. It brings the promise of fall, and hot apple cider, and cozying up next to a bonfire in a big, warm sweatshirt. Halloween and haunted houses. All-night movie marathons and spending hours in a coffee shop working on homework. Giant scarves and clear skies.

I love fall, yet it always makes me a little sad. Maybe it's because it's an ending - the end of summer, the end of freedom, the end of warm weather. Maybe because it's a time of year when it's better to be with someone...to have someone to cuddle up with when the nights are just a little too chilly - someone to carve pumpkins with and be the other half of a cheesy couple's Halloween costume.

Or maybe because it means winter is right around the corner, and the world is about to stop for a few months. I love all four seasons, but I wish winter lasted a week. Or two. Not for five months. I would be happy with snow for Christmas, and then right back up to being 50+ degrees. It's not just the snow - the cold is incredibly rough on my joints, and every winter I go through pain pills and IcyHot like they're going out of style.

But then again, surviving another winter just makes spring all the more wonderful.

I'm getting ahead of myself.

Fall. Football. Apple wine. Big warm sweaters. Beautiful colors. Wrapping up in comfy blankets and reading for hours. Feeling like, even though all the green is gone, that the world is about to be fresh and clean and new again.

I'm so ready for it.

But I'm really going to miss my flip-flops.

Mawwiage is what bwings us togetha today....(Spin Cycle)

I guess I'm a typical girl.

I have been dreaming about poofy white dresses and champagne toasts and flower combinations and first dance song selections for as long as I can remember. I've been planning the perfect wedding since I was in preschool and got married the first time.

Hell, I even have a dress picked out (from many afternoons spent with engaged friends, pouring over bridal magazines. Come on. A single girl has to find something to entertain herself, and reading stories on wedding etiquette? Not gonna cut it.)

I know what song my dad and I will dance to. I know my sister will make me cry with her maid of honor toast. I know I'm much more likely to wear flip-flops than I am to wear heels. I know I care more about having a great DJ and bar than I do about location or decorations.

The part that trips me up?

The groom.

In all my fantasies as a child, and any inkling of an dream now, there's no man in the picture. Maybe Johnny Depp (yes, in that costume...) once in a while, or Hugh Jackman (definitely minus the Wolverine claws...), but let's be honest - that's more of a wedding night fantasy ;-)

The older I get, the more I become convinced that I'll never get married. When I was eighteen, I figured it was a matter of time and within five years I'd be engaged to Mr. Perfect.

Ten years later, I'm not so optimistic.

Of course, I'm also a lot more independent. A lot more confident that if I end up alone, I'll be okay. It might not be ideal, but I know that I'll be fine whatever way my life works out.


People always say that this changes when you meet the right person. That suddenly, you'll just be ready to start your life with someone you love.

I'm definitely not there. Not even close. Even the men I've been almost sure I loved, I could never see a future together. I don't know if that says more about the relationships, or me. I hope I find that someday. But until then?

I just want the party. The dress. The dancing. All the stupid traditions.

And if I meet someone who makes me care less about the buffet and the videographer and more about the marriage? Well, I have the invitations picked out already.....

Happy birthday, Auntie!

Just a quick one - everyone stop in today to wish my Auntie a happy birthday! And then be jealous that I get to have dinner and ice cream with her tonight!

Thanks, Auntie M, for exposing me to fantastic music, and also for getting me addicted to The Princess Bride all those years ago (on laser disc, no less!), when I used to babysit and make mix tapes after the kiddies had gone to bed :-)

That's her in the bottom right, circa 1984. (And my momma is right next to her!)

RTT: The problem is estrogen....

♥ I can find a Grey's quote for just about any situation. Probably because I am over-dramatic and talk too much, just like the characters on that show.

♥ Can I just say, my new birth control is totally fucking with me? I am so ridiculously moody now I'm just waiting for someone to slap me and yell at me to get ahold of myself. Someone asked me how I was today, and I about started crying into my coffee mug. WTF?! I do not like this.

♥ I am taking a few days off before school starts again, and they cannot get here fast enough. I haven't really taken any time off, other than being sick, since last May. I need a real vacation sometime soon - planning on one for spring break next year, with my best friend. That's too far away.

♥ Funny how a year changes everything.....

♥ Completely unrelated, but my old classmate at Birdie Royale is entering the Mad Men Casting Call and you should totally vote for her. She is absolutely stunning and a wonderful person. Plus it's super easy - just click that link, and click 'Vote' - You don't need to register or anything.

♥ Seriously. Eff this birth control. I just started tearing up over a sort-of compliment. This is ridiculous. I mean, I know I'm a sap, but I'm out of control right now.

♥ If it could be Friday when I wake up tomorrow, that would be fantastic.

♥ I'm working on a new story idea and I like it so far. It's all in my head though, I haven't started writing. Which means I'll get through 20 pages and then burn out.

♥ I hit my head in the pool on Saturday. Then Sunday I hit it on the freezer door. And a couple hours ago? Definitely banged the crap out of it on my car. I fail.

♥ 635 days until I graduate. Not that I'm counting.

♥ Oh, and yea....you can like me, too. All the cool kids are doing it!


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