Day 12: I do what I want

My mind is in all sorts of fucked up places right now.

I'm seeing other people grow up and move on, and it makes me feel...not like a failure...but...like I'm missing something. Like I should be in a better place than I am. Like I should be more of an adult, more stable, more responsible...something. I don't know.

It's not that I particularly want what they have. I don't want to be getting married, or having babies, or buying houses. I like that everything in my life is kind of...temporary.

Maybe *like* isn't the right word. I'm comfortable with it. That's better. I'm comfortable with not being tied down to anything. I'm terrified to put down any kind of roots, anywhere, whether it's a house, or a relationship.

I like only being committed to myself. Everything else in my life is...transitional. If I lose it tomorrow, I'll survive. I'll get through it. I'll move on.

But I wonder....why am I so okay with this? Shouldn't I be looking to settle down? Aren't I getting to the age where it's normal to want to plant yourself down somewhere? Shouldn't I be wanting something real?

Or should I just stop comparing myself to other people, and not putting any stock in whatever milestones signify being a grown up?

1 comment:

Middle Aged Woman said...

I think you should stop comparing, and start thinking about what makes you happy! I know several adults who have always lived in apartments, or rented flats, because they like a change every few years.

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