Feeling restless.

I started this blog July 31, 2008.

The name, Gathering Dust, came from a beautiful David Gray song that has been one of the themes of my life for a decade. For my twenties.

In less than two weeks, I turn thiry. And suddenly, I'm not okay with any theme of mine including the lyrics, "my soul is hollow as the sorrowful moon".

Beyond that, I've kind of failed at this thing. This is my second post this year. And it's to say that I'm jumping ship.

My first post was titled "feeling restless". I like the symmetry of my final post having the same name. I'm not sure that I'll ever NOT be restless, but I'm starting to feel like I want to be more settled.

In some ways, I feel like I've found a home here in Nashville, and I'm appreciating the slower pace down here. I've spent a lot of time recently just laying out in the sun, next to the water, letting myself just....be. And it's a beautiful thing.

My new blog is here - http://beautyofnothing.wordpress.com/ - It's empty right now, but that'll change soon. In the meantime, update your bookmarks.

I recently read Eat Pray Love by Elizabeth Gilbert, and there was a phrase that really appealed to me - "Il bel far niente" - "The beauty of doing nothing". This is something I'm learning how to appreciate lately and something I will hopefully continue to enjoy, now that I've let myself slow down and relax.

So, goodbye to feeling like I'm like gathering dust, like I'm on a mission alone. And welcome to feeling like the world is full of beautiful moments, often in unexpected times.

If I can get through not being able to tie my shoes, I can get through anything.

There's a really long post coming in the near future (unless I get lazy) but I just wanted to share this, since I'm starting to try and recruit people for my team for the Arthritis Walk in June. I found this in my email from someone asking me about what Rheumatoid Arthritis has done for and to me.

"When I was first diagnosed, I went from scared to depressed to scared to pissed off to scared to accepting to scared....Fear is the biggest thing. I don't know how RA is going to end up affecting me in the future. Yes, I can try to control it, and mask the symptoms, but it's always there, and something I'll deal with the rest of my life. There is a lot of uncertainty - will I be able to have kids, will I be able to keep full function of my hands, will I be able to walk thirty years down the line? I don't know, and no doctor can give me a real answer. So it's scary and I can't do anything about it. I'm not someone who is used to being afraid of things, so learning to live with that fear has been a challenge.

But on the positive note - I've learned how strong I am. I've seen how my friends and family pull around me. I have witnessed generosity with donations to charity walks I do, I have been called an inspiration by loved ones and strangers alike. I've grown up. I've learned that I can't hide behind fear and I can't just let life pass me by because of what might happen when I'm forty. Dealing with RA has turned me into a stronger, more independent woman than I could have imagined. And while I wouldn't say that this made developing a chronic illness worth it, it does make it easier to digest."

Since I'm currently dealing with leftover pain from my ankle surgery last October, and wondering how much my RA has influenced the residual aches, and I'm getting frustrated that I haven't fully healed by now, I needed to see this. It reminds me I'm only human. And that I can deal with it. And I'll only be stronger when all is said and done.

I have faith in myself.

And that's pretty freaking awesome.

Oh, and if you'd like to donate (or join the team if you happen to be in Nashville area), feel free! I really don't mind!
Kicking ass and taking names and making RA my b*tch